The Change in Perspective that Changed Everything
EDP contributing writer, Marissa (who is in her late 20s) put together this beautiful post about changing your perspective for a better 2020. Keep scrolling for all the goodness; it’s a great read no matter where you are in life. xx - Ashley
The change in perspective that made everything more enjoyable: what’s meant for you will not pass you. A reminder that things that didn’t come your way in 2019 should stay there. There are no losses, just lessons.
As a chronic over-thinker, I’ve always tried to stay 5 steps ahead of where I’m currently at. When I wrote about trashing my own timeline, it became clear that, up until that point, I was planning my life in order to feel some semblance of control. Unfortunately, when things don’t go as planned, it made me feel even more out of control than I felt to begin with.
Perspective - changing it for the best year yet!
Now, without my made up timeline guiding me, I still catch myself trying to get logical about where the next step is going to lead me because not knowing is an uncomfortable feeling. The amount of energy I’ve spent turning my wheels and thinking my way through made up scenarios is impressive.
Before a decision even gets made, I’m aware of all the different ways it can go wrong. What a giant waste of my time.
Exhausted by my own tactic of ‘self-help’, I started thinking about ways to ease up on my search to find false comfort in the unknown. It was time for a shift in perspective. Instead of having this death grip around the things I enjoyed in my life, I started considering them for what they were (blessings) and appreciated them while they were there - what’s meant for me will not pass me.
Thinking in this way made everything infinitely more enjoyable. It made the sting of rejection more bearable, life changes more acceptable and helped me welcome new obstacles with an open mind.
No matter how painful, there’s a lesson in every setback. The same goes for the moments that fill you with an unbelievable amount of joy. Take from them what serves you and leave the rest.
Whether it’s anxiety over someone not loving you (anymore or to begin with), not securing what you think to be your dream job, or simply a situation that didn’t go exactly as planned, reframe it to work in your favor. You were never meant to fight for the love of your partner and that ‘dream job’ didn’t work out because something better is meant to come along. White knuckling your way through life is exhausting.
When you open the floor up to dance with life and allow what is coming your way to flow freely, somehow The responsibility of forcing your life to turn out a certain way doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.
My expectations of how and where my life should be were crippling me from enjoying where it is at the moment. The stark contrast between where I thought I would be and the present moment made me feel like I failed in some way. Looking back, had all of my planning been successful, I would’ve missed out on a whole lot of adventure and quite possibly a career path that I love. Control isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
Life is messy. No one gets to coast through it without pain and suffering, but it’s up to you to find out a way to make the setbacks, the heartache and the all around dark moments of life seem a little brighter in whatever way you can. The idea that what is meant for you won’t pass you by isn’t going to be for everyone, but with life being one big question mark after the other, it can be helpful to find something to ease the pressure of the unknown.
When you’re in the drivers seat of your own life, sometimes it’s okay to miss an exit — it can be the difference between a boring ride or the scenic route.
more real talk…
If you find yourself in the midst of a move back to where you grew up, here are a few tips to help make an easier transition.